that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
