your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
