I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
