I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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