So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
