i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
