he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry my hands just texted you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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