Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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