my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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