don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
