After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
