whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
