mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
