i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
