No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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