Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
