i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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