Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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