He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
