listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
