So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
