Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
