friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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