Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
