So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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