Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
