My hand turned me down
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
