"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
