Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dear god my vagina.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
