FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
