the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
