I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
