can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
