i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want nice things and good sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
