I just threw up on my dentist
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
