so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
