All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
