My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
