her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
