home. puking in laundry basket.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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