Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
