if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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