Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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