well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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