I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
