I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
