Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
