pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
