"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
