The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
