So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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