return my video game
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
