She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
