well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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